South africa 2008.

It's one am in the morning, it's been more than a month since i got off the plane at changi airport, and i still feel the need to blog about one of the most amazing experiences i've ever had in my entire life. and it probably will stay this way for as long as i live!

the trip to south africa was unbelievable. the people are amazing. i honestly cannot begin properly so i'll just start from the place that changed me most: entabeni.

the game reserve. honestly the only other time i've felt so moved was when i went to see the grand canyon when i was fourteen. But still i now truly believe that beauty and nature cannot be appreciated by those below 15. When i went to visit the grand canyon, i definitely remember my heart skipping a beat as i approached the gigantic canvas. I definitely remember wanting to stand there for ever just looking on even though my legs were buckling and my fear of heights was starting to get to me. but i never remember feeling awful when i left. because i never made an effort to recognise that i was looking at true beauty, something created by what was once a stream. i just looked and oohed and ahhed, but i never took it in- i never uderstood. and i know i sounded like an idiot when i said that, butit really is true. you need to visit these places only when you have the capacity to realise that what you're looking at was a gift, to show you what God was all about,and to understand that when you see these things you honestly feel truly happy.

if i hadnt gone to entabeni i would have never realised this. because i went, i saw, and i cried, and i couldn't stop smiling when we went on the game drives. I swear sitting in that jeep and riding across the grounds of entabeni made me the happiest person i the world and i dont doubt that for a minute. I started panicking after our last game drive, though, because i was afriad that i wouldnt be able to remember what i saw during te game drive- and there was a particular feeling to it- the crisp wind and the comfortably cold air- and the plainess of the view- that we were expierencing a postcard. i hate my pictures, because they're 2 dimensional and they capture NOTHING of the magic of entabeni. I cried and i cried and i cried on the bus when we left entabeni and kept looking back because i was afraid that if i forgot everything i saw at entabeni, i would never be happy again. and i would thus grow bitter and cold because i forgot the magic. haha i know i may sound naive, but i KNOW that if yo went to south af you know what i mean because it's so difficult to understand the state of mind that place puts you in.













now can you understand?

i will post about aesthetics in south africa on a later date. haha i decided today was to be about all things beauutiful

much love

forever God is with us,
Forever.


i've probably grown more in the past 2 weeks than i have my whole life- not so much in the sense that i've been getting epiphanies and stuff, but i've learnt so much i feel i have to make record of it and share it before it loses its distinctive importance.


everybody has their own way of glorifying God, their own method of worship. Some glorify him by spreading the word, and by evangelisation. Some worship him in their own quiet way. Both extremes and everything in the middle are equally powerful, and equally spiritually fulfilling. every aspect of my relationship with God is pure worship. The doubt, the questions, and all other negative aspects of my faith are what makes me christian. I cannot doubt without believing in the first place. I cannot question without feeling a need to understand. I am a catholic, through and through, and just because the way i worship is in contrast with the way others do, does not make me a hypocrite, nor does it make me a bad person. I move along with my journey of faith a little wiser, a little stronger. If i feel uncomfortable with sharing about my faith, it isn't because my faith isn't rooted, it is because my worship and my relationship is private, between me and my God. It brings me happiness, yes, to worship collectively, and to feel the power of God working through so many people around me. I do believe that it is important to share about one's journey through faith, because it is what inspires others to join in, but there are some things that people need to learn for themselves. The power of God's love is felt through his people, but it is what one experiences with him personally that keeps him strong and rooted. many things have happened to me that have kept me strong in my faith. i may not lead a christ-centred life, but i do thank God at every opportunity for the good and the bad things that have happened, because i learn how to worship him better every step of the way.


bottom line: i love my Lord, and when i say that i shouldn't be judged on what i do wrong, but what i do to change it.


done. geeeeeeeez i hope i made sense.

i miss the poetic inspiration and blindbliss i usedtohave when i was, well, smitten with someone. haha, are a few supeer stupid experiences goingto DOOM ME TO SPINSTERHOOD? no lah.
andi have a rather cool question!

do poets always laugh at their own poems when they read them after a long time??

i super hope so. otherwise it means i'm a SUPER TERRIBLE poet.

anyway, i am pledging myself to the statute of demurewomen.

ishallnot utter a SINGLE swearword until my 18th birthday,

the list consists of:

Fornication Under Consent ofthe King (hahah weifen taughtme that!)
Vagina inallother languages and dialects (except pundei, because it's become too natural)
Shit (i shall replace with snap)
OH MYGOD (which has been effectively replaced with ZOHMYGAD



wellit'smostly the first one, because i say thatlike it'sa sentenceinterjection, and it's SUPER UNATTRACTIVE! so i shall become demure and positively alluring by clippingmy vulgar tongue.


that said, i should really start studying for terms.


icannotfailicannotfailicannotfailicannotfail

haha well hey everyone. about 2 months have passed since new year, but whichever. this will be my much anticipated (heh) new year's post, officially ushering the new year in.

sigh i wish i could've done this in a better mood, but stuff's been tough, but when stuff gets tough you become tough stuff eh? EH? HAHA I JUST COINED A COOL QUOTE, woooo ya'll going to bannerise it and stick it on your walls i can just see it.


when STUFF gets TOUGH, you become TOUGH STUFF
-frances maria, PhD. Mathematics & Science, Hons. Lit, Nobel Prize Laureate.

well, we pulled off the church bbq (cum steamboat) party eh!

not to say it was a roaring success, but enough people came (20 odd?) haha so that was aight.


let me first point out that i have NEVER, EVER NEVER steamboated before. and denis with her goshdarned mussells, kept spraying me with scalding hot larva oil every 5 seconds. i boiled a crab claw, but some asshole stole it. (darnyou!)

the party was fun after awhile, when denis' homemade chocolate cake (which was AWESOME) was served, and i started cutting slices and serving everyone. threatened to stab edmund but he instead got away with having bits of cake flung on his face.

I DIDN'T GET DRUNK OKAY. i was only HIGH, because A- i remember what happened last night (EVERYTHING) and B- i didn't have a hangover this morning, SO THERE, i still stand by the fact that i can hold my liquor. the guys were shagged, though. HAHA HA.

the SSS party was fun HAHA, me and teresa were stalking this boy sitting at the pool, we were shouting from the balcony (ROMEO, OH ROMEO!) between fits of giggles, and after a while he got so scared he called for BACKUP, AAAAAAAAAAHAHA. we were THAT bad?!

happy birthday sonia, sophie and sherry! hope you liked the toffee :P

my mom's been gone for 3 days- i really really should not be getting used to this.



oh, and i LOVED PROM! send me pictures, everyone! my camera went dead :(

O DEVILS ARE OVER!


AND FOR ONCE, IM BLOGGING WITHOUT GUILT!


IM GUILT-FREE!



AND COMMENT-FREE!




BUT AHMAHGAWD, okay i have a paper on monday, BUT I HAVE SATURDAY AND SUNDAY TO WORRY ABOUT THAT, FRIDAY'S PARTAY DAY!


okayokay, so for the first time in twentymillionyears, i went for youth night in church w denis. and the topic of discussion for the night was-


death.



how morbid! we were supposed to talk about like how we saw death and stuff? and how most people were afraid, some embraced, some were indifferent.

me? shant say. i mean, alright, if i die tomorrow, i'll be safe and say I LOVE YOU ALL, but honestly- it's not something im prepared for? and i dont want to spoil a perfectly good blog entry with morbid thoughts, so it's okay! i'll take a raincheck on the deathpost.


now i get to play my guitar without guilt, do SO MANY THINS WITHOUT GUILT, im almost CRYING because it's so overwhelming- i am FREE. FREE FREE FREE FREE FER-REEEE!

just to epitomize all the feelings of elation and relief and almost MANIC excitment, im going to go blonde!


LEGALLY, of course.


my heart is singing- i havent got much left to say, but i feel like i could go on for ages! my plans, everything. but i'll stop here, and go listen to ella fitzgerald, and for the first time in months, i will RELAX!


thankyou, thanyouthankyouTHANKYOU!

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